did they really think we'd behave ourselves?

We skipped lots of "traditional" stuff at our wedding. No bouquet or garter toss (I think they're lame & demeaning, respectively), no money dance (gross) unless you count having "10 Dollar" by M.I.A. in my playlist, and no "dance, monkey!"-type glass clinking allowed. We just got married, for peet's, sake ... wait 2 minutes, and you'll probably see us lip-locking of our own accord.

Of course, some people either a) couldn't control the impulse to try, or b) had developed both mild spastic conditions and an inability to stop clenching their cutlery (weird, I know) ... and there was a single glass-clinking incident. One. At which the Mr. & I turned and laid a serious smooch on the people nearest to us.


That was pretty much the only time anyone clinked a damn glass. Weird, huh? Although I did hear the other groomsmen were disappointed that the Mr. didn't try to slip Double-L the tongue.

And here we'd decided not to make any statement about our support for marriage equality, so as to avoid starting a political argument at our wedding.* Whoops!

* I did hear about the political argument that a few of our guests got into at dinner. Thank you to all involved for keeping your voices down, and thus allowing me to remain blissfully ignorant of said conversation.

I know, I know ...

I'm being lazy. I know. I'm supposed to be filing daily reports filled with pictures & ancedotes from "the big day" ... and yet, I'm not. I owe at least 3 posts to the good people at Weddzilla, who added me to their team just in time for my Blog Ennui to set in. So what gives?

Mostly, I've just been busy getting back to my regular life. The Mr. is hard at work, and I'm wrestling with the geometry problem of fitting two lives into this 1-bedroom apartment. And anyone who wants proof that this is True Love: I emptied a closet for him. I put clothes into boxes into storage. I put away my cashmere, dammit! (Sure, it's August in Los Angeles, and I'll swap those out with my tank tops for the 3 weeks in January when it gets brisk here -- but that's not the point.)

We've also been overwhelmed with the generosity of our friends. The UPS guy & I are totally bonding (I think he looks tired; he thinks we need an air conditioner -- apparently, I'm literally a hot mess) as he brings us more boxes of awesomeness, nearly every day. I'm itching to get cracking on the thank-yous, but the Mr. has An Idea for those, so it's going to take a little extra time.

Also, for everyone who asks me "when do I get to see pictures?", my stock reply is "as soon as I get to see them!" And after seeing the first few picks from our ceremony in San Francisco, our photographer is forever my hero & can take all the damn time she needs/pleases.

Here's just a little bit of what I'm talking about:

The boys after they finished primping. They clean up pretty nice.

Putting the hat/veil/thingy on for the first of many times (silly wind!) with T -- I can't thank her enough for all her help. (Not just with the hat.)

Checking my ... "dress" ... with His Sis. Double-stick tape is your friend!

More soon, I promise.

The countdown continues: T minus 5 days

Actually, it's more like 4 days by now -- only 3.5 hours remain of this one. And I can't plan on getting anything done tomorrow, since I'm filming & my time is officially not my own. Which means that All Of This needs to happen Wednesday:

*print programs, and possibly begin assembly (Some of this could conceivably happen in S.F., but I want to have at least one prototype completed, to avoid complications.) (This would've happened today, but the template is printing screwy. The Mr. is performing triage as we speak.)

*finish making morroccan-style lanterns out of soup cans (I plan to enjoy this, as it involves hitting things with a hammer.)

*find a hairstylist who's available on Saturday (Yes, this got put off until waaay too late. I have 3 numbers to call in the morning, and I'm gathering supplies to do it myself. Eff it.)

*make labels for candy buffet & ceremony (This won't happen until the programs are ready to print. I try to limit my Kinko's exposure.)

*Separate out S.F. stuff from the Wedding Fort and prepare for transporting it north. (Mad love to T. who's letting us use her punk-rock soccer mom car!)

*Find something I already own that will work for the His-Family's-Friends dinner the night before (I know which dress, but the accessories are proving to be quite vexing.)

*Have conversation with Photographer Friend about specifics (I expect this to be a breeze -- I love this woman, and I've shot with her before.)

Honestly, all that feels pretty manageable. Well, the hair thing is slightly worrisome, but I can pull it off myself in a pinch. And I'm letting myself get some nice things from Sephora since I'm doing my own make-up. Also, my friend who works for Smashbox came through huge: I asked for a few samples, and the woman brought me real live product. Have I mentioned how much my friends rock?!

So .. what's distressing me these days, you ask? (You did. I heard you.) Oh, one or two things.
**A portion of this entry has been redacted. But I maintain that there are a couple of people who owe me an apology.**

On the flip-side of that, several people are being stellar. One of the g'men (who married our officiant last year, so he gets it) even agreed last-minute to be our "stage manager" for the S.F. stuff.

And my girls ... let me tell you about my girls. I wish I had $1000 to spend on my Maid of Honor, Our Lady of the Holiday, because she couldn't be more awesome. And my friend T., who's doing a reading during the ceremony, went with me for mani/pedi today and talked me off the ledge regarding Stupid Things That Boys Say. My girl S. is coming through like a champ with the potent potables, and I've had such love from His Sis & My Sis this week that I'm in danger of going all gooey on you.

So all in all: things are good. Unless Mr. UB finally snaps out of it (I keep waiting for him to turn to me & exclaim "Whoa -- you're crazy!!") it looks like this thing going to happen. Holy I-promised-myself-I'd-reign-in-the-swearing!

all the news that's *safe* 2.0

Chapter 2: Monday -- my Bachelorette Party

I picked up my MOH, Our Lady of the Holiday, from the airport & we grabbed a late breakfast, then bought a few supplies for the planned festivities. While we were in line waiting to purchase them, we noticed the lady behind us staring at the contents of our basket: 2 bottles of champagne, 6 trashy tabloids and 1 clinical-strength deodorant. So we looked at her basket: tofu, cucumbers, lettuce. She sighed & said, "Your basket looks like way more fun." That's just how we roll.

Next stop: the Mondrian Hotel in Hollywood, where Holiday had booked us waaay-too-nice of a suite. She kicked me to the spa where I got a super-yummy body scrub & massage (purrr), and by the time I made it out to the pool my friends P. and M. had joined us. (Life in L.A. would be so much more tolerable if I could spend all my afternoons chilling by that pool ... I should look into that.) We took lots of photos, giggled at the trashy mags, and got reprimanded by a pool boy for sneaking in an "outside" bottle of champagne. (Bat eyes & hand him empty bottle. "Sorry!") We also wondered why you would wear a flourescent green sweatshirt and then act like you didn't want to be recognized, Spike Lee? The best quote of the afternoon, by far, came from H. herself: "Unfortunately, he also spoke English."

We stayed until they closed the pool, then went upstairs to get cleaned up. P. couldn't stay for dinner, but she did tell us we HAD to order the butterfish. The rest of us agreed that "butter fish" sounded like slang for a person with a really slammin' body, who'd had something "unfortunate" happen to her ... anatomy. Trust me -- after the 2nd bottle of champagne, this was high-larious.

My friend K. was off work in time to join us for dinner, where we did order the butterfish, decided it was delicious, and still laughed like 6 yr.-olds about its name.

After dinner, M. had to leave us (she had an early start the next day) but we were joined by J. and a 2nd K. at a bar in Hollywood. We went there because a) it was close to the hotel, b) it's pretty cheap, and c) you can order cocktails in both a beach pail and a fish bowl. I'm sorry to report that there were no fish in the fish bowl ... at least, I really hope there weren't. But there was free popcorn, which I kept getting up to refill just to make people stare at The Boots as I walked by. We stayed until the lights came on, then went back and passed out in the hotel's much-too-comfy bed.

On the way to drop Holiday back at the airport, we sealed the experience with breakfast at Sprinkles cupcakes.

Thanks to each & every person who was able to join us & celebrate with me. It meant the world to me. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect day.

(And to everyone who couldn't make it because we did this on a weekday: stay tuned ...)

fortunately i've found a whole new conundrum

I made it to the jewelry trade show on Friday, and had great success -- I got a super deal on enough gold chain to make b-maid bracelets ($3.85/foot!) and finally figured out what to put on top of those cufflink bases. Green-hued mother of pearl beads, $3 for a strand of twice as much as I needed. So now I'll have these to give as gifts to the groomsmen: (In retrospect, that's a terrible backdrop for the photo -- my apologies.) I really tried to go with something they could use again. Believe me, I spent waaay too much time dithering about going for something a bit "bling-ier", to match the b-maid earrings, plus a few other even sillier ideas. But in the end, I think I did good. Mr. UB agrees.

Are brides "supposed to" give gifts to the groomsmen? I don't care -- I adore all of the guys who'll be standing up with My Guy, and it seems unfair to only give thank-yous to the people standing behind me at the ceremony. Best of all, it came to a total of less than $14 for all 5 pairs.

So, with the attendant thank-you gifts under control, I decided it was time to move onto a whole new problem: Project Honeymoon.

Mind you, I only consider it a problem in the budgetary sense. I have a permanent case of wanderlust, and I still feel the pull of my ex-patriate past at regular intervals. Neither Mr. UB nor I are afraid to fly, and we both love adventure. So it's definitely not the travelling itself that's the "problem." Rather, it's trying to find something that feels appropriately special that we can afford.

Starting with our original ideas, Mr. UB first thought of Italy. Rome, specifically. Which is a place I absolutely want to go with him ... just not for our honeymoon. Why? Because I lived in Italy for 4 years, and Rome was my 2nd home while I was there. So perhaps it's weird (he kinda thinks it is), but I want our honeymoon to be a place that's brand new to both of us, so that we can discover it together. Or alternately, a place where I won't mind failing to show him everything that I love, just in case we never make it out of the hotel room.

My original idea looked like this: Right? Right?! There's just one problem: the part of the world where most of the places that look like this is located, specifically Bora Bora/Mo'orea, is "pricey," to put it mildly. As in most of them start at $900/night. Ouch. (Have I mentioned that I have exquisite taste?)

So: back to the drawing board (aka Google.) I actually got a manageable amount of hits for "Over Water Hotel" once I took out the duplicates. And a few were easily eliminated right away: a lake in Switzerland (not tropical), the coast of northern California (not exotic) and a place in Bermuda (just not "it") are out. There's a beautiful place in Western Samoa that's run by an American couple who dropped out of the game a few years back, and it looks amazing.

source

It's called Coconuts Beach Club, and it's not outrageously priced. The trouble spot is getting to Samoa. It's admittedly less trouble from L.A. than from just about anywhere else besides Australia, but that doesn't make it easy. Even if you don't have a layover in Fiji, the positioning of the Int'l Date Line means that getting there technically takes three days!! Even if you "get them back" on the return trip, it seems like the kind of travel that needs a longer time frame than we're likely to have. Oh, and those flights are about $1000/person. Again: ouch.

And then I stumbled onto this place. It's in Panama. Now, just to prove that I still have a shred of sanity, my first reaction was Panama?!? But upon closer inspection, I have to admit that I'm falling for the place. It's a very small resort, and it's actually affordable. During the time period when we'd be going, those bungalows are under $350/night. And non-stop flights from L.A. to Panama City can be had for under $500/person. You can even get there for less, if you're willing to take a flight with stops. Normally, I'd totally go for that, but I hope we can splurge $100 since it's our honeymoon. Also, we'd probably have to spend a night in Panama City before the island-hopper plane to the resort, and that could be really cool. I don't think I'd want to spend a lot of time there, but one night would definitely be fun.

So now it's time to see what we can actually afford, and try to make it happen. Maybe we can do one of those travel registry things? I much prefer a swell vacation to kitchen stuff. I'll buy my own damn blender.

we won something!

I'll try not to feel too much like Sharon Stone at the Golden Globes, or a shut-in writing a letter to Penthouse, as I type "I never thought it would happen to me ..." BUT: I really didn't think it would. Mr. UB & I have been chosen by the super-nice folks at Minted.com as subjects for their new design challenge!

The contest is for designers -- they submit designs for any of 3 couples, for any of 3 pre-wedding events. Ours is "officially" Bridal Shower, but they can submit for Engagement Party or Rehearsal Dinner, too. We'll receive 125 pieces of the winning design, plus $250 of other Minted stationary for our wedding planning needs. (Hello, fancy pretty Thank You notes!) How cool is that?!

You can see a picture & read a little blurb about us, the other 2 couples and the contest here.

I am sooooo excited about this. Our Funky Little Budget Wedding That Could is chugging its way up the hill.

Other stuff I've done in the last few days:
1) Emailed Save-The-Dates for the ceremony invitees
1a) Braced for blow-back from family that we can't afford to invite
2) Officially asked the fabulous Christmas to be my Maid Of Honor
3) Had a nice, long conversation with Marija about the photography
4) Finally gotten in touch with the agent for the house in Malibu where we're hoping to have the LA shindig
5) Posted a listing to sell the wrong-color candy buffet bags that arrived -- and gotten a few nibbles

All in all, not a bad week. And it's only Wednesday.

craft project #1

I finished the earrings for my b-maids tonight. (And yes, I really should be doing laundry & packing.) I'm pretty happy with how they came out:
And yes, I know that the bottom right pair needs hooks. I ran out of those. I'll get more after Christmas/ next time I'm in west LA.

I especially like the craft paper holders -- it's one of the invite paper samples (one that I'm not using.) My own little "instant re-purposing" project! I'm also really digging the graphic appeal of my leopard-print ottoman. Definitely not part of the wedding decor, but I like the effect in this pic.

b-maids bearing booze

I just received confirmation of what fabulous choices I made in the Sonoma County contingent of my bridesmaids. Not only because they are two of my favorite people ... but also because they are hooked up. Christmas (yes, really) works at a brewery. Sunny works at a winery. Let the rejoicing begin!

The brewery in question is Russian River Brewing Company -- owned by two people I adore, who happen to make some seriously yummy beer. (Read more about the goings-on there from The Beer Babe, who is also my beer babe.) The winery is also up there in Sonoma, but I need to find out if Sunny is currently mad at her boss before I pimp their label here ....

I told them they have about 10 months ahead of them to "misplace inventory" in preparation for the reception. They replied that they, in fact, like their jobs and wish to keep them. But they both get a pretty swell employee allotment/discount -- and that will do just fine.

formal invitations

Something ELSE I didn't know existed: Bridesmaids invitations. (Really? Sheesh.) And here I thought I would, you know, ASK the women I want to stand up for me. Besides, I have an extreme aversion to anything cutesy, and I don't have the time right now to search for a style that I don't hate. I think my time might be better spent on things like a location, or a dress that won't break me.

So anyway, if I stumble across an invite of this type that I like, I might grab it & mail it out. It could make a nice keep-sake/scrapbook item. But in the meantime, I just emailed them:

Hello, my favorite females. I am sending this email to forewarn you all that you're on my list to be bridesmaids. And although I know C__ is going to be disappointed, there will be a distinct lack of pastel satin in your futures, despite this assignment. I've come the the conclusion that I don't want you wasting your hard-earned cash on such nonsense, wherever it might be located on a monstroso-meter. If you feel an uncontrollable urge to part with another couple hundred dollars to celebrate this blessed event, I'll let you know where we're registered as soon as that happens.

At any rate, I'm letting you off the hook & opting for the LBD of your choice. You can thank K__ when you meet her (that's Mr. UB's sis, btw), because I'm blatantly stealing this look from her wedding. S__, please don't think this means you have to wear something that's already in your closet ( ... like you would.)

I have no idea which one of you I'll stick with being Maid of Honor (and gosh, how excited am I to even be thinking about this stuff) -- I'll let you know when we've found a location & see who needs the extra hassle in her life the most at that time. However, if you don't think that this is the thing for you because a) you're just too busy, b) you never liked me any way, or c) you're pissed about the No Chiffon policy, please let me know. I promise not to hold a grudge. But I do know where all of you live.

For the record, I've never spent an hour imagining my wedding day, and after a single night of perusing websites + a few magazines on loan from my upstairs neighbor, I'm already queasy. And you have my absolute permission to quote me on that if you see even a hint of Bridezilla behavior.

It worked! They've all said yes (!) with 1 exception: I haven't heard back from my sister. I hope she didn't take the part about "wasting your hard-earned cash" on a dress personally ... oh dear.

In better news, K__, the sis of Mr. UB, who just got married herself this March (in a fantastically low-key yet meaningful affair) has already started sharing her anti-bride advice. Yay K!

I think Emily Post would be pleased.