did they really think we'd behave ourselves?

We skipped lots of "traditional" stuff at our wedding. No bouquet or garter toss (I think they're lame & demeaning, respectively), no money dance (gross) unless you count having "10 Dollar" by M.I.A. in my playlist, and no "dance, monkey!"-type glass clinking allowed. We just got married, for peet's, sake ... wait 2 minutes, and you'll probably see us lip-locking of our own accord.

Of course, some people either a) couldn't control the impulse to try, or b) had developed both mild spastic conditions and an inability to stop clenching their cutlery (weird, I know) ... and there was a single glass-clinking incident. One. At which the Mr. & I turned and laid a serious smooch on the people nearest to us.


That was pretty much the only time anyone clinked a damn glass. Weird, huh? Although I did hear the other groomsmen were disappointed that the Mr. didn't try to slip Double-L the tongue.

And here we'd decided not to make any statement about our support for marriage equality, so as to avoid starting a political argument at our wedding.* Whoops!

* I did hear about the political argument that a few of our guests got into at dinner. Thank you to all involved for keeping your voices down, and thus allowing me to remain blissfully ignorant of said conversation.

when I need to remind myself ...

... that having my picture taken when I'm not wearing make-up is not cause for alarm, I'm going to look at this photo. I'm pretty sure I cried every bit of it off during the ceremony. And yet ...

(Seriously -- what is up with that pose in the entry below this?!?)

wedding recap: random reflections

There's something funny about having a wedding in a public place -- in our case, a city park that's also a tourist attraction. But the size of our wedding (30-ish people in a site that can hold up to 250) didn't exactly call for ushers, and without amplified music I somehow thought we'd be ... unobtrusive?

On such a gorgeous Saturday, the POFA is filled with people taking photos -- I saw a quinceñera and one other wedding party -- not to mention locals soaking up the nice weather. I figured that the folks setting up (the groomsmen & My Dad) might have to flash our permit to shoo people away from the area we'd reserved, but didn't think much more about it.

What I didn't expect was that when we turned to walk down the aisle together, a crowd had gathered & was watching us. As in, they hadn't just glanced our way & kept going -- they'd stopped & listened. We must've had at least 70 extra people who clapped & cheered for us during our recessional. Amazing.

Also: apparently it's good luck to get your picture taken with the bride & groom.

wedding recap: the ceremony

We got crazy-lucky with the venue for our ceremony. There's normally a two year waiting list for the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco, but it's been undergoing a multi-phase earthquake retrofitting for several years. (The history of the POFA is a fascinating mix of art & happenstance -- it was never meant to be a permanent structure, but citizen's groups & philanthropists have banded together to save it several times. Those efforts continue to this day.) The previous phase finished early, which meant that it was available from mid-May through mid-August. Construction began again on Monday, so there won't be any more weddings there until at least late 2010. Like I said ... crazy-lucky!

This was the set-up for our intimate 30-person ceremony:

I was walked down the aisle by both by mom & dad.
I don't recall what I said at that moment, but it must've been funny.

The paper pomanders took forever to make, but really looked pretty.

Our officiant was a friend who's wedding we went to last year -- she's getting her master's degree in theology, and was thrilled that we asked her to marry us. Having someone who really knows us was wonderful.
Thank goodness she asked us to take each other's hands -- I was so emotional that I needed to hang onto him.

Part of our ceremony included honoring our parents.

Two of our friends gave readings.
This is our friend T reading Sonnet 119 by William Shakespeare. The groomsman on the far right, R, read "Oh, The Places You'll Go!" by Dr. Seuss. The fact that they came to us independently with those passages shows just how well our friends know us!

I've heard lots of people talk about how, after all the craziness of planning, the actual day just flies by ... but I felt incredibly present for the entire thing. The hugeness of the step we were taking, the love that we were expressing for each other, the people who were present to share the moment & support us -- it was almost overwhelming, but I didn't miss a thing.

We said our vows, exchanged rings ... and then we were married.

all pics except 2nd from bottom by Marija Thomas Photography

2nd from bottom by His Mom

I know, I know ...

I'm being lazy. I know. I'm supposed to be filing daily reports filled with pictures & ancedotes from "the big day" ... and yet, I'm not. I owe at least 3 posts to the good people at Weddzilla, who added me to their team just in time for my Blog Ennui to set in. So what gives?

Mostly, I've just been busy getting back to my regular life. The Mr. is hard at work, and I'm wrestling with the geometry problem of fitting two lives into this 1-bedroom apartment. And anyone who wants proof that this is True Love: I emptied a closet for him. I put clothes into boxes into storage. I put away my cashmere, dammit! (Sure, it's August in Los Angeles, and I'll swap those out with my tank tops for the 3 weeks in January when it gets brisk here -- but that's not the point.)

We've also been overwhelmed with the generosity of our friends. The UPS guy & I are totally bonding (I think he looks tired; he thinks we need an air conditioner -- apparently, I'm literally a hot mess) as he brings us more boxes of awesomeness, nearly every day. I'm itching to get cracking on the thank-yous, but the Mr. has An Idea for those, so it's going to take a little extra time.

Also, for everyone who asks me "when do I get to see pictures?", my stock reply is "as soon as I get to see them!" And after seeing the first few picks from our ceremony in San Francisco, our photographer is forever my hero & can take all the damn time she needs/pleases.

Here's just a little bit of what I'm talking about:

The boys after they finished primping. They clean up pretty nice.

Putting the hat/veil/thingy on for the first of many times (silly wind!) with T -- I can't thank her enough for all her help. (Not just with the hat.)

Checking my ... "dress" ... with His Sis. Double-stick tape is your friend!

More soon, I promise.

playing catch-up

I figure I should probably finish posting about all the stuff leading up to the wedding before I start on the recaps. (Besides, I might have more photos by then.) So: here's my last 2 major projects.

1) Programs: The Mr. & I had agreed on the idea of fan programs (you know -- an outdoor wedding in August) quite a while back. But we hadn't finalized details like music choices until frighteningly close to the event itself. Good thing: we had exactly enough paper left over from making the invitations for these. Bad thing: I spent the better part of 2 days assembling them, becoming progressively less & less concerned with any semblance of "perfection."

This is what I started with.

This is the finished product.
Getting from point A to point B entailed a second trip to Kinko's when I realized I hadn't saved the file as a PDF, which caused my pretty script font to reset to something I think is called "Nerd-tastic Robot", making yet another trip to Target when I ran out of glue dots, and a stop at Michael's on our way out of town because I ran out of ribbon after making about 10 of them. Good times. But hey -- they're pretty.

2) Flowers: In a move that suprised even me, I decided to "wing it" when it came to the flowers. The Mr. & I swung by the S.F. Flower Mart on Friday morning & bought stuff we liked that was the right colors. Good thing: nice hotels will bring you all the extra vases you ask for, and even cart away the copious trimmings. Bad thing: I was hideously optimistic in estimating how much time the assembly would require.

This is what we started with:
From left to right, those are jade roses, white lilies dyed blue, cream roses and white freesia. I'm normally not a fan of dyed flowers, but the lilies pulled the color into their petals along the veins, which created an amazing, delicate stripey effect. We both gasped out loud when we saw them. Total cost of the above 7 bunches: $50 cash. And we found street parking -- woot!

After going through a lot of this:
and thoroughly soaking the jeans I was wearing, I ended up with these:


My bouquet was made of the cream roses and the freesia. It smelled amazing.

And these are my ultra-fab b-maids holding their bouquets of the jade roses, freesia & lilies.
I finished making them & wrapping them with florist's tape the day before, and plunked them in those hotel-furnished vases. At about 11 a.m. the day of, I just wrapped the stems with dusty blue ribbon. The groom's boutoniere was a single cream rose to match mine, and the g-men each had a jade rose. (That part was the Mr's idea -- oh yes, he's that good!)

This is my favorite picture of them -- all the flowers together:
Ps: if you are useless at maintaing nicely-manicured hands, fluffy flowers are your friend!

first 4 pics by me
last 4 pics by Marija Thomas Photography

first peek

I love this picture. And to be clear: I totally would've jumped, too -- but I was afraid I'd never extract my heels from the grass.

we did it!!

What a week ... sorry about the lack of posting, but I barely had time to breathe. Nonetheless: we're married!!

Lots of play-by-play, cost breakdowns & pictures to come.

stress-relief tactic

I took the bubble wrap that came with one of our wedding gifts and put it in my car. I can reach over & pop the sh*t out of it whenever the need arises.

It's actually pretty helpful.

The countdown continues: T minus 5 days

Actually, it's more like 4 days by now -- only 3.5 hours remain of this one. And I can't plan on getting anything done tomorrow, since I'm filming & my time is officially not my own. Which means that All Of This needs to happen Wednesday:

*print programs, and possibly begin assembly (Some of this could conceivably happen in S.F., but I want to have at least one prototype completed, to avoid complications.) (This would've happened today, but the template is printing screwy. The Mr. is performing triage as we speak.)

*finish making morroccan-style lanterns out of soup cans (I plan to enjoy this, as it involves hitting things with a hammer.)

*find a hairstylist who's available on Saturday (Yes, this got put off until waaay too late. I have 3 numbers to call in the morning, and I'm gathering supplies to do it myself. Eff it.)

*make labels for candy buffet & ceremony (This won't happen until the programs are ready to print. I try to limit my Kinko's exposure.)

*Separate out S.F. stuff from the Wedding Fort and prepare for transporting it north. (Mad love to T. who's letting us use her punk-rock soccer mom car!)

*Find something I already own that will work for the His-Family's-Friends dinner the night before (I know which dress, but the accessories are proving to be quite vexing.)

*Have conversation with Photographer Friend about specifics (I expect this to be a breeze -- I love this woman, and I've shot with her before.)

Honestly, all that feels pretty manageable. Well, the hair thing is slightly worrisome, but I can pull it off myself in a pinch. And I'm letting myself get some nice things from Sephora since I'm doing my own make-up. Also, my friend who works for Smashbox came through huge: I asked for a few samples, and the woman brought me real live product. Have I mentioned how much my friends rock?!

So .. what's distressing me these days, you ask? (You did. I heard you.) Oh, one or two things.
**A portion of this entry has been redacted. But I maintain that there are a couple of people who owe me an apology.**

On the flip-side of that, several people are being stellar. One of the g'men (who married our officiant last year, so he gets it) even agreed last-minute to be our "stage manager" for the S.F. stuff.

And my girls ... let me tell you about my girls. I wish I had $1000 to spend on my Maid of Honor, Our Lady of the Holiday, because she couldn't be more awesome. And my friend T., who's doing a reading during the ceremony, went with me for mani/pedi today and talked me off the ledge regarding Stupid Things That Boys Say. My girl S. is coming through like a champ with the potent potables, and I've had such love from His Sis & My Sis this week that I'm in danger of going all gooey on you.

So all in all: things are good. Unless Mr. UB finally snaps out of it (I keep waiting for him to turn to me & exclaim "Whoa -- you're crazy!!") it looks like this thing going to happen. Holy I-promised-myself-I'd-reign-in-the-swearing!

the Actress Diaries, ch. 6

A brief update: my episode of "Saving Grace" airs this coming Tuesday, August 11th, at 10pm on TNT. (I say "my" lightly. It hardly centers around me.) And just today I got called to play another (ABC) Family-friendly stripper on "Greek" that same day. I appear to have cornered the market on television strippers who don't actually take their clothes off. Finally -- I've been type-cast!

Also, I rescheduled an audition tomorrow so that the Mr. & I can take advantage of his dentist's offer of free pre-wedding teeth whitening. Apparently I've finally gone Hollywood. I feel a little dirty. (In my defense, "free" is my favorite price.)

a moment of levity ...

... as I contemplate losing my sanity once & for all. (We're 10 days out.) Via text:

Me: the new hair lady has 2 puppies, 2 kitties and a bird!

Him: While you were there? Baby that's a pet groomers, not a stylist.

To clarify: I was at her home. But it still cracked me up. As in laughter ... not mumbling & drooling.

That's on my calendar for tomorrow.

To change, or not to change (my name)?

The Mr. & I got our marriage license two weeks ago, and while we were filling out the paperwork I was confronted with spaces for me to put "Current Name" and "Married Name". While I'd always thought I knew what I wanted here, I was suddenly gripped by a flood of "You mean I have to decide this now?!" Nothing like a little legally-binding document to make me question myself.

I admit that I probably have a more complicated relationship with this subject than most. First, my point against: I'm not changing it for professional purposes. I've worked for years to carve out the beginning of a niche in my industry -- no way am I going back to "who?"

Second, my points for: I hated my last name when I was a kid. It can be rhymed with far too many embarrassing things, and even occassionally employed as a verb. I was aching to be rid of it since age 6. (Yes this is probably the silliest of my reasons. But at the time it seemed terribly important.)

More significantly: I am the product of a divorce. Growing up, I was the only person in my house with my last name, and I can't imagine why I'd continue that voluntarily.

My fiance's family thinks I'm adorably retro on the subject -- both his mom & sister kept their maiden names. But the phrase "maiden name" has always stuck uncomfortably in my throat. Am I waiting for Robin Hood to come rescue me from a dragon? Talk about retro.

All of these thoughts swirled around my brain in roughly 3.5 seconds as I paused while filling out that government form. And then it hit me: I could have it both ways. I added my family name to the "Middle Name" box, and put his as the "Last Name." So I have two middle names now (or I will in 12 days).

The truth is, for all my over-thinking the subject, I've grown rather attached to my name. It's followed me around the world, and it reminds me of so many people I love who aren't here any more.

Besides, if it's good enough for Charlotte York MacDougal Goldenblatt ....