moving in, part deux

I was dreading today, because I thought it would be larger. And by "it", I mean this:

We'd just started getting a handle on things -- most of it was put away, except for the few boxes that were awaiting the return of furniture-they-get-stored-in ... and that furniture was in The Box.

Contents of The Box = everything that didn't fit into the apartment after we merged households. (It sounds so sexy when I describe it like that, doesn't it?) I was scared because I hadn't seen The Box before today -- it was packed (like a mutha!) by the Mr. at his old apartment. And I'd heard that it was the world's biggest game of Tetris ever to pack it. (See below -- it totally was.) But once I saw the actual size, and realized that if you took into account his mattress & box spring, dresser, bedside table, desk & bookcase (all items we were definitely needing), it couldn't be that bad. Right? Well:


Wow. Well played, babe. It's just like moving in all over again ... hooray.

We've already consigned the futon mattress set & lots of t-shirts he's managed to live a healthy & fruitful life without for the last 6 months to the Donate Bin. If they didn't already love us at our local Out of the Closet, they haven't seen anything yet.

la cucina

Ah, what a difference 2 days & a great big heap of OCD* make. To wit:

We seem to have a kitchen.

I can't believe how much bigger the room looks since we took down the cabinets that flanked the window. (And thanks to my friend M who suggested we put them in the garage, where we can still use them. Brilliant!) Also, it was totally worth the effort & caustic chemicals involved in getting rid of the "oak" veneer ... or as the Mr. has dubbed it, "fauk". Now all we need to do is hang the shelves above the window-adjacent counter. And buy a stove.

I feel obligated to show the reverse angle, for some perverse reason. Or maybe just to reassure myself that there's a whole lot of Project remaining.
Behold: left) the aforementioned shelves, and right) Future Site of Our Kitchen Table.

*I "may" have alphabetized the spice drawer. No, you can't see a picture.**

**Okay, fine:
(for some reason Blogger won't rotate the picture -- oh well.)

now that the bathroom's done ...

Yay!:


Not-so-yay:


Work continues ...

pretty pictures!

Finally:
The formerly lead-paint tainted closet doors have been taken outside, stripped, sanded, repainted, given new hardware & re-hung. Now a) we're cool if any children or pregnant women want to come over & lick our walls, and b) I can put my shoes away. Good times.

And from the Tah-Dah! Dept:
I think the towel bar should be a little lower ... but screw it. We have a bathroom! For those of you who are keeping score at home, this pic features:
Pedestal sink from Home Depot: $214
Light from Restoration Hardware Outlet: $52
Bead Board from Stock Lumber: approx $2.50/sq. ft.

It's really hard to photograph a shower that's perpetually back-lit during the day, but hopefully you can tell that we have two (2!!) shower heads -- a rain bath in the ceiling, and a hand-held on the wall.

The storage would be completely installed & allowing me to unpack some of those effing boxes marked "bathroom", if it wasn't for the broken hinge-thingy from Ikea. The Mr. got us a replacement one yesterday, but since I don't speak Needlessly Cruel Swedish Drawings, I'm waiting for contractor-guy to install it tomorrow.
Shelves: $6 each
Brackets: $10/pair
Cabinet: $89
all Ikea
(And yes, I know the brackets don't quite reach the front of the shelves. Since we only plan to store towels on them, I figure they'll hold.

I imagine those will feel really good under foot. I could tell you that with certainty if it wasn't for the fact that we have no hot water in there. As in: I was standing there for over five minutes watching the water run, taunting me with its refusal to rise above Icy Cold. Wrapped in a towel, Ready. To. Bathe. At. Home! I placed a call to contractor-guy, who informed me that he hadn't yet tested/adjusted/what-the-fuck-evered the water yet, but he plans to in the morning. Oh my effing god my shower is a cock tease somebody help me!!! Also: to the students in the 2 classes I have to teach this afternoon -- I'm sorry.

But other than that, I'm rather pleased with how the color scheme turned out. The Mr. has expressed doubts about the shower curtain's stripey-ness (Thomas O'Brien for Target), but I think it ties in the tiles, towels & wall pattern rather extremely-genius-like. Or maybe I'm just giddy from the fumes?

aaaaand we're back!!!

Phew! I was seriously turning a shade somewhere between cerulean & indigo there, waiting for our FUCKING INTERWEBS TO GET WORKING. Ahem. I'm sorry. I don't mean to swear. (Really. I try not to. I just suck at not-swearing.)

In case anyone has been wondering about the brevity/simplicity of my recent (aka post-move) posts, allow me to elucidate: We had DSL service at the apartment, with a small-ish provider whose service/pricing/support we adored. So naturally we tried to just shift our account with them to the new Owned By Us address. We had to wait 5 (five!!) days, because AT&T makes you suffer if you don't use their 'net service, for the phone to get "turned on". I guess the guy who had to flip a switch was busy that week. Anyway, once the 5-day time frame had elapsed: still no 'net. So we called, and were asked to wait ANOTHER 2 (two!!) days for a technician to come out & investigate.

Which he did. I was here. And a Very Large Dude, who was surprisingly friendly AND helpful, played with some wires outside the house (even though it was raining). And he diagnosed us as 3000 ft. too far from the DSL hub to get service. (Insert Lumbergh voice here:) "Greeaaaaat."

So: back to square 1. Call cable company. They'll come out in 3 (three!!) business days. Except that the 3rd day was Effing President's Day. (Stoopid Presidents.) So we just. finally. got. service. today.

(By the by, my interim posts were made via a nifty iPhone app called BlogWriter. I was very pleased with the results. Get the free version, unless you have the urge to post photos -- then it's a worthwhile $1.99. But you can't delete posts ... hence the bewildering stuff that I just got rid of, from my "learning curve" phase.)

At any rate: Howdy! I'm still here! And we still have no bathroom to speak of. (Epic Construction Timing Fail.) But here's what we do have:
An uber-fancy new light/fan, with switches that independently control both functions! And paint! And some bead board (slightly visible)!

A couple of fixtures! Including a rain bath shower head, and that awesome outlet-find light for over the (eventually) medicine cabinet.

And various kinds of flooring! That's the river rock stuff in the shower floor, and those (totally my fault, expensive-ish) penny tiles on the rest of the floor. Also, a better look at the bead board.

Now all we need is for the Effing Grout to dry, so we can re-connect the toilet. That's all I care to say about that ... except that NO, I'm NOT enjoying this part.

tile story

I alluded to Tile I no longer want in yesterday's post ... allow me to explain: I started off thinking that we "had" to have glass tiles in the shower, preferably in the subway style pictured here:
And then we started pricing the stuff. The cheapest we could find it in a color we like (similar to the above pic, actually) was $17/square foot. Yikes! So in a dazzling display of design flexibility, we've changed course: we're keeping the shape, but changing the color & material. Ceramic tile in matte white (for some reason I'm really digging the non-shiny finish) like this:

image source

only costs $4.50/square foot**. Much better.

I had the idea to get penny tiles for the flooring, which will now be non-white, so as to avoid making the bathroom resemble a surgical theater, like these:

image source

which we found for a very agreeable $8/square foot. And then the Mr. got totally excited about a river-rock style for the shower floor, like this:

image source

except in a charcoal-y black shade that I couldn't find a picture of. And they feel pretty sweet under foot. Plus, they're almost exactly the same price as the other floor tiles, so it looks like we're going for it.

Once we can reassemble the walls & floors, and therefore get accurate measurements, that is. Is there drama around that? Funny you should ask ... more to come.


**(All the prices I've quoted are from United Tile in L.A. -- no website (again!), but you can find them here. They have everything, and they're really reasonable.)

2 steps forward ... 2 steps back

That's not a scientific rendering of the number of steps we've taken, in any direction, by the way. I'm just sitting here humming Paula Abdul songs (and now, so are you. You're welcome.) And yes, I know I keep fiddling with the heading of this here re-purposed blog. It's a work-in-progress. Also, I'm indecisive. But moving on:

We have a fridge! Check it out:
That's the Mr., a) looking cute, and b) showing off our excellent handiwork in getting all the shelves/drawers/etc. properly situated. I had no idea fridges were so complicated. Here it is from the outside:
Pretty! We got a sweet deal -- it's a brand-new last-year's model, courtesy of a giant warehouse out in the porn end of the valley. No website (?!?!), but they're at 8930 Mason Avenue, Chatsworth 91311.

We're also pretty much sorted on lighting, at least as far as fixtures go. We made a trip out to the Restoration Hardware Outlet in Camarillo, where we found this:
Ours has the brushed nickel finish, to go with the rest of our hardware. Also, that's totally the tile I've decided I no longer want! (But more on that later.) Again brand-new -- probably an internet return (so now you know where stuff goes when you buy online & return it: Camarillo) and they were giving an extra 20% off bath stuff "just because" that day, so outlet + sale = $51. Or as I prefer to call it, 25% of retail. Woo effing hoo!

After much more dithering about styles that one of us loved & the other hated-with-vehemence, we found these at Ikea:
Calypso, for the bedroom; and one that they don't have on the website yet but it's pendant-y & white & fun & cool, for the office. I'll post a pic once we've hung it. And by "we" I mean "our awesome handy-hombre".

So that's the cool stuff. And then, from the Dept. of Destruction: guess what was underneath all that tile in the bathroom?
MORE TILE!! We now officially have more tile than a Mexican restaurant in this house. And while I don't really dig the colors, the stuff they covered up was actually nicer than the stuff on top. Aaarggh!! Who the eff were these people? (Answer: the same people who cut through supportive studs to install windows & doors where-the-heck-ever they pleased, and did it without permits of course, which our guys now get to fix. Thank goodness for flat-fee contractors.) I'll get some more pictures of the mayhem tomorrow, but in the meantime:
Why yes, that is a demo'd bathtub on our front porch. And we're happy to see you!

ch-ch-ch-ch- changes!

Finally! a few images of what's been up with Isabelle. (Yes, that's the house's name.)

First:
In the Living Room: out with the vomit-tan, in with the greige (dammit! I miss Domino) and blue ceiling detail. Drapery to replace awful vertical blinds = a work in progress.

In the kitchen, we've secretly replaced the "oak" cabinets with these:
Let's see if she notices! But seriously ... the Mr. just finished stripping the icky varnish off the doors, so the next steps are: sand, paint, & re-attach those.

And in the hallway, just a few adjusted hinges away from completion:
Our built-ins! Here's the doors that are awaiting their pretty satin nickel hinges:
Aren't they pretty, with their non-paint-encrusted hardware? I know!!

Oh, and referring back to this entry's title ... and just because her name rhymes with Bowie:
It's Zöe**!! Wearing the shirt we got her for her birthday. (She's the most fashion-y fashionista I currently know. Girl changed her outfit 4 times that night!)

{** NOT OUR DOG!! That's my friend Bayleigh's dog. Stop congratulating us -- we just bought her a damn t-shirt!!!}

More pics on the way -- the contractor is coming!1!!

stop the presses: we agree on something!

Actually, we agree on 2 things: 1) the kitchen, as purchased, was atrocious; and 2) these light fixtures:
As of today, the kitchen is the most un-changed room** ... BUT! after emailing him 15+ (at least) ideas for light fixtures, I stumbled upon the ones pictured above, to Our Mutual Delight. They're available at Shades Of Light (which is in Virginia, and therefore charges no sales tax in CA -- haha!! Screw you, Ah-nold & the Legislature!) and we're eagerly awaiting their imminent arrival via FexEx.

** why yes, I DID re-paint the entire house myself. NO, I don't need a hobby -- thank you.

Also, after talking to four (4!) contractors, two (2!) of whom deigned to flatter us with a bid, we're moving forward with our remodeling plans. Up next: a brand-new, shiny bathroom & LOTS of rugs to cover the hideous floors.

Oh, and some pics. Eventually. Really, I swear.

progress report

Okay, I promise to try to get some more up-to-date pics to post tomorrow ... but, in the meantime, here's some of what we've been up to:

The Bad:

No, really, I didn't want to just un-screw that old hardware. I much preferred using a razor blade to slice through 8 layers of paint (and I'm especially curious about YOU, oh Chooser of Acid-Trip Green) ...

The Good:
We both have a place to park;


We've removed the Gross/Tragic medicine cabinet from *the bathroom
(*awaiting further destruction)

the Ugly Kitchen Cabinets being carted outside. That's our handyman -- small in stature, but 18-feet tall in awesomeness.


Our shiny new outdoor light fixtures. They're replacing the Fuctard-Installed Non-Outdoor ones that our predecessors provided. Sadly, all the accompanying rust has been sacrificed on the alter of "WTF?!?!"

The Ugly:

Have you been paying attention?! ...

Good stuff to follow, as soon as I'm not too distracted to remember I need to take pics before dark.

my new best friend

Yes, thing are going swimmingly at the Un-Casa. (That name sucks. I'll work on a better one. But meanwhile ...) The locks have been changed, the interior doors have shiny new doorknobs, and the paint samples from Ralph Lauren arrived today & were promptly smeared on the relevant walls. I'm not sure in which parallel universe one pays for 2-day express shipping on December 29th and receives said order on January 4th, but I plan to take that up with the dear people at RL first thing tomorrow. And frankly, I'm too excited about getting my hands on Pretty Colored Things to let it bring me down. Even better news: the Mr. and I are in agreement on colors for 3 rooms -- we're 60% of the way home, and still speaking to each other. Woo hoo!

But getting back to the semi-caustic substance in the spray bottle: it all began with our Mission Statement: Replace Ugly Crap With Nicer Stuff ... On Budget. To wit:
In a perfect world, I'd get rid of the ugly "oak" cabinets & start over. But in Our World, we're going with plan B. (No, not that Plan B. Nobody knocked up our cabinetry.) Plan B started out as "Let's just paint them white," but has since turned into "Let's get an electric sander & some varnish remover, so that the white paint we apply will a) stick, and b) not be lumpy." So while the Mr. has learned how to use varnish remover & not die (it involves gloves, a face mask, and not taunting the substance), I've been tackling the insides of the cabinets.

Fun fact: other people's shelf paper is disgusting! Especially when combined with All The Dead Spiders (see previous post -- free shipping offer still applies!)

Also, the previous owner's Stupid Plumber Tricks has led to 2 of the lower cabinets being rather mildewed. I discovered this as I was systematically scrubbing the living daylights out of them, and the ick-factor jumped from an 8 to a 10. At that point I stopped reaching in with my sponge and just basically sprayed & ran. That's when the miracle happened.

I came back the next day, and it was better. Dramatically better. It went from "Maybe we should just replace that" to "The patient is ALIVE!" I kinda wish I had a "before" picture to post here ... but then again, I wouldn't want to make anyone spontaneously kill themself in horror. Suffice to say: it may smell like the devil and wreak havoc on your cuticles, but I LOVE me some Lysol anti-mildew spray.

Back tomorrow to check the paint samples in better light. And yes, I will absolutely be addressing the ceramic floor tiles that go halfway up the walls -- count on it.

holy crap!!! we're home owners!!!

This entry was almost titled "We Have All Your Dead Spiders." Because, as it turns out, our new house (to which I repeat: !!!) has ALL the dead spiders.

So if you're missing any of yours, just let us know. We'll ship 'em back. Gratis.

ps: This blog will soon resume its regularly scheduled programing. Thanks indeed for staying tuned.

mostly nonsense

I noticed that they're selling beer pong kits at 7/11. And my local grocery store has put ping-pong balls in the refrigerated section, next to the beer. Seriously, people? Seriously?

I feel like this should be a sign that the end is nigh. Not in a laughably-masturbatory-special-effects-display kind of way (Exhibit A: 2012), but in a more unfathomable how-does-Ashlee-Simpson-continue-to-find-employment-as-an-actress? kind of way. Either way, it can't be good.

Also, we seem to be "officially" past The Gatekeeper, and therefore in escrow. Believe me, it's taken more self-control that I thought I possessed not to pillory that ... creature ... here. (I just might get back to you once the deal is sealed.) But meanwhile, here's a pic of our very own little corner of Los Angeles:


Why yes, it is freaking adorable -- thanks for noticing!

stuff that makes me happy

I tried to embed the videos, but for some reason there was no code to make that happen. So follow the links -- they're worth it.

1) Cats are awesome.

2) Did I mention that cats are awesome?

3) We're not officially in escrow yet, but we seem to have made it past the Evil Gatekeeper of the House That Might Become Ours. News update to follow, as soon as there's anything to report ....

dance, monkey!!

Things that make The Bank displeased:

1) They told us to get a pre-approval letter from a bank (not them), basically stating that yes, we really can get the loan. They told us this Friday night at around 8pm -- well after business hours. We said sure -- 1st thing Monday morning. By 10am today they were throwing a hissy fit at our "failure to perform."

2) They don't like that one of Mr. UB's financial documents is more than 30 days old ... even though we've explained that he only gets quarterly statements.

3) They claim that one of my signatures is "illegible" ... but since I've sent them about 80 different signed things, I'm hoping they'll get a little more specific. On a side note: it's a freakin' signature -- isn't it supposed to be a little sloppy (aka hard to copy)?

Like our realtor-babe said, "it's ALMOST like a party!" Wheeeee!!!

things are afoot ...

I've been wanting to post all week ... but I'm afraid to jinx anything. But if I were to post about the "things" that are "going on", it might look something like this:
... but that's all I'll say for now.

However: anyone out there with spare fingers/toes/eyes to cross ... we'd appreciate the extra happy thoughts.

new project!

(in which I discuss my transition from "obsessed with planning wedding" to "obsessed with finding a place to live", or We Attempt To Purchase a House)

Greetings, oh followers of this blog. If there are any of you left, given my post-nuptual slacking (2.5 months and counting -- woo hoo!) I am happy to report that my days are no longer consumed by finding affordable venues, caterers, et al. Oh no, children -- I've moved on. Evolved, even.

Now, my days are consumed with weathering the slings & arrows of entry-level Los Angeles real estate. Let the celebration begin!

Things I've learned thus far: when a listing describes the square-footage of a property as "tax assessor's data lists X", what they mean is "previous owners added onto this house without a) permits, b) taste, c) a moment's thought to how said addition would affect the property's resale value, or d) any shred of understanding as to how actual humans reasonably use their homes -- you know, for living in, and such."

Also, the favored building materials of the Great Unwashed are (in no particular order):
*stucco! because those 1910-built Craftsman homes look better without all that pesky wood

Or even better, a look I've dubbed "WTF-Chic"

*ceramic tile! on the floors/walls/anywhere you shouldn't have to clean or maintain ever again

(living room)

(bedroom)

*concrete! because we're not cheap, we're green -- you can't argue with 6000 square feet of concrete in leiu of anything that needs water, now, can you?

So far, we've put in offers on 2 places. The first one we didn't get ... we're in "back-up position". Which basically means we're hoping that by Saturday the other people's loan falls through. No schadenfreude here, folks!

And the second one ... well, the second one features ceramic tile throughout (in every. damn. room.), and concrete covering at least 80% of the lot. Also, the previous tenants absconded with the air conditioning unit, which should only cost $3-4000 to replace. And we've offered $14K over the asking price. We couldn't be more excited!

(all pics are knicked from public real estate websites ... if that turns out to be not-so-legal, I'll take 'em down)